Sunday, January 4

Can I please close this "Open Book"?

Those of you following this blog should be aware - I love you all. Immensely. This book is going to drive me nuts.

For those just joining, I'm reading (or trying to read) Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. I'm sure you've heard of it. It's apparently the stuff of dreams for everyone from 12 year old girls to 40 year old women.

I made it through chapter one with only a few issues, bumps and bruises. Now I've finished chapter two. The "it doesn't look promising" from last post? It only heightens in this one. I'll start with the grammar issues first.

Citing an example: "... with Chess Club Eric glaring at him all the while; that was nattering." Nattering? Woman, do you even know the definition of the word "nattering"? It's a verb. Which means it is an action word, Mrs. Meyer, in case you forgot your basic English classes. The feeble attempt at the useage of what might be considered a "complex" word has failed. Horribly.

I'd also like to take a moment to express my severe dislike for whoever has worked with Meyer on this book. Obviously, they were paid to do nothing. Therefore, I am jealous and in a state of severe dislike for them.

Grammar issues aside, the book is proving to be a quick read, if only becaue the prose and storytelling is so very lacking in anything that would make it worth actually reading. Instead, I'm finding myself skipping the sentences that don't make sense. By the time I've read two to three sentences further, either I've been able to figure out what in the world this insane woman was trying to say, or it just doesn't matter anymore.

Besides that, the author's main character is so devoid of passion for anything - let alone a full and complete personality - that I would much rather read an emo kid's journal than what Meyer put in for, what I can only assume is, filler.

Since we're on subject, let's talk about the plot for this chapter. Of which there isn't much to speak, but I'll try anyway. Bella's mother is obviously overattached and Charlie (her father) doesn't know how to cook - no one can live without our precious Bella, didn't you know.

Neither, it seems, can Edward, who is missing from school for a week. I know what you're thinking. Since Edward isn't there, why was this chapter written? After only having spent one class together, without having spoken a word to each other, and Edward doing all but run screaming away from Bella- he disappears for a week and Bella is convinced it's because of her. Don't worry, the day is quickly saved. Edward shows up. Apparently he was gone getting a personality adjustment.

Don't let Edward's smiling fool you, though. We next see him out in the parking lot, staring at Bella as she pulls out. I don't know, personally, if I would find that attractive in the least. Someone's staring at you while you're pulling out of a parking lot? Creepy.

I think the most frustrating thing of all is the fact that there's a perfectly nice boy that's interested in Bella. Add to that the possibility that he's one of few characters in this book so far with a personality, and I'm left banging my head against my desk, wondering why a girl would ignore a guy who's obviously interested for the one who's probably plotting to kill her? But hey, I'm older now and am out of touch with kids these days.

Worst line of the chapter award goes to Edward. In the category of "omfg that was so emo". The line?
"You put on a good show," he said slowly. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."

Because suffering is how we describe the whinings of a teenager these days. We can't bruise their little personalities. It's not whining. It's suffering.

1 comment:

  1. I just read this book, after being told I had to read it. I have to admit it started off slow but after about 5 chapters I couldn't put it down and have now started the 2nd. I may not be perfect but it will pull you in.