I know Victoria's Secret

And ya know something? It's not pretty. I was very excited yesterday for two reasons. One, it was Valentine's Day. Two, The MarvMan had promised me he would take me to Victoria's Secret to go shopping for new bras. Valentine's Day plus bra shopping at VS generally means - I can squeeze a little more out of this than just bras.

And I get away with it, why? Because MarvMan knows that I am a purebred bargain shopper.*

*My pedigree includes assisting my mother clip coupons every Sunday when we got the big, thick, Sunday paper, exhausting hours spent at the grocery store price comparing various products, and sale hunting at various malls and outlets.

So needless to say, I was pretty thrilled. Gretchen Wilson can sing all she wants about not needing designer tags, but I love me some Victoria's Secret. Now, I'm about to share with you some... uh... personal information. I'm a 36D. Shopping at WalMart? It's an odd size and difficult to find. Shopping at Victoria's Secret? Shouldn't be a problem. Bras are their specialty.

We arrived at the Meadowood Mall in Reno, and went to the VS inside. I zipped straight over to the Pink section. I love everything - the lounge pants, the hoodies, the flip flops, and the t-shirt bras are fabulous. Please note: I snagged a 2 for $32 set of t-shirt bras in a 36D last year.

I'm approached by a woman who purportedly wanted to help me. "Are you finding everything alright? Anything in specific you're looking for?"

"Yes, and yes. I'm wanting to grab some t-shirt bras, if you please."

"Sure, they're right over here! Cup size?"

"D."

"Oh. ... 36?"

"Yes. 36D."

She peruses the rack for a moment. "Um, you know? I don't think they make them in that size," she says, eyeing my rack like it's a monstrosity.

Excuse me? I got the bra I was actually wearing at that precise moment from the Pink section last year. Last. Year. Last year, people! Now, granted, it was at a different store, but the store was also in Reno, just over at the Summit Sierra shopping complex.

How in the world is my bra size that big an issue? And what was with the crass look like I'm some sort of freak show? Whatever. I'll move on. I found some 34Ds and since I've lost some weight, they work just fine.

Cheeky unders. 5 for $25. Well. Decent enough deal and I love the cheeky unders. So... I start perusing the little table they have set up to see what I can find. There were some seriously cute undies! Yay! Check sizes.

XS... S... more S... there's another XS... M, we're getting warm- where the hell are the rest?!

I look down. In order to get to the Larges, I must duck down and rifle through the drawers. In order to get a Large size panty at this particular Victoria's Secret, I must hide. So no one knows - or perhaps so everyone knows - that my ass is considered to be too large.

Obviously, no one has spoken to my husband about this. MarvMan claims it is a great size. Some days I tend to disagree, but on this particular day? I was embarrassed.

And that's the thing, Victoria's Secret. No one should ever have to be embarrassed about their body. No one. That's the beginning of eating disorders, crash dieting, and abusing our bodies into failure.

How dare you.

Everyone deserves to be "So Sexy." Every woman that walks this planet is an amazing, glorious, beautiful, sensual creature, and she doesn't deserve to be treated like a piece of garbage simply because her breasts are larger than a B cup and her butt is of the round, healthy nature.

The icing on the crapcake of the whole ordeal with the attitude flung at me from the woman behind the counter when I attempted to use my coupon I'd gotten in the mail. I hadn't gotten the "free" lacie panties listed on the coupon because there are certain styles and damn near every pair of panties has lace somewhere on it. At previous stores, this would not have been an issue - the saleswoman would simply tell me, "You can get X, Y, or Z" and I would pick. This woman, however, had an issue.

If I had a dollar for every sour face she made or how many times she rolled her eyes, I would have walked out of that store with at least another $10 in my pocket. When she continued to hassle me about the coupon, I gave up.

"You know what? I'm gonna keep my coupon and take it somewhere with better customer service. You just finish ringing me up so I can get out of here."

I understand retail ain't easy. I've worked it before. But working in a store like that? The better you make a woman feel about herself, the more she's gonna buy. And the Victoria's Secret at the Meadowood Mall in Reno, NV just lost all my business.