It just comes naturally

There's been so much going on around here, it's been a little insane. Not really with me - no, no updates on the health, unfortunately - but simply with everything around the house. School time has started up once again, which means diving headlong into another year of schooling Miss A-Girl.

You know what I find interesting? I haven't really intentionally started teaching her again. She's asked about school and I told her we do it here at home, and if she wants to learn something, we'll learn. So she'll grab her notebook and a pen, take a seat at the dining room table and just go to town. She'll put random strings of letters together and ask me if they spell anything. If she wants to know about a particular word, all she wants me to do is write it once for her. After that, she's got it down pat.

I think she has my aversion to numbers, though, because she hasn't been asking about those.

I was most impressed with her writing today, which happened to be on an envelope when she couldn't find her regular notebook.


Pretty good for doing it on her own. I'm getting a curriculum tomorrow. The other stuff piled up on my plate demands that I have a curriculum to follow. I'll keep you all updated with how it goes. But for now? We've just been doing reading, writing, answering questions (and boy, does she have a lot), yoga and gymnastics. And some number flashcards. When Mommy feels up to it.

The quiet of the morning

It's so quiet this morning. So quiet and peaceful - the only sounds at the moment are the ceiling fan in the living room and the tapping of the keys as I write up this blog post. It's one of those mornings where the quiet is almost surreal; you think maybe you can reach out and touch it, but if you do, it might pop into a cacophony of noise and chaos.

I can sit here and almost pretend that yesterday wasn't as full and overstimulating as it was. The living room is still fairly neat, as is the kitchen. And aside from the leftover cake on the counter, you might think that we hadn't celebrated a birthday here. Which would be a lovely thought, because it's so hard to believe that my youngest is now two years old.

She's growing up so fast. I still remember when I posted that blog about how she'd weaned off nursing. Fifteen months of providing her with nourishment, late nights, bonding... and then she weaned and became that much more independent. In the months following BreMonster's weaning, she's become that much more independent every day since then.


BreMonster is trailing along after A-Girl, now. Getting into trouble with her sister; she really excels at getting her sister into trouble. She scales cabinets and countertops with grace and skill reserved only for monkeys and lemurs, recognizes letters of the alphabet, and comes bolting through the house for hugs when she hears Daddy's home from work. Yes, my BreMonster (BreMonkey?) has been growing and changing so much over the past year. Her second birthday was simply a reminder of how fast time is going by and how precious little we actually have.

My beautiful little girl, I love you so much.
And I really, really wish you would stop growing up so quickly.

Crafty, crafty catch up.

Wow, I almost spelled it ketchup instead of catch up. Unfortunately, I'm not talking about condiments this morning. I'm talking about all the crafts I seem to have gotten into and never quite finished.

I've been noticing all this while cleaning out my office and getting everything organized and such. It's just... the unfinished craft bit? It's starting to become a burden. Christmas is coming up - ohmigosh, anyone else notice that there's only 120 some odd days until Christmas?! - and I wanted to make a lot of gifts this year by hand. Except the clutter and the half-finished projects are getting in the way.




So here's what I'm going to do:

I'm giving myself next week to assess and finish at least one project per day. If I'm halfway or most of the way done on something already, this shouldn't be too hard. Note: This is only the week for projects that I've already started!

What about the projects for which I've got the materials, but never quite started? That's being handled, too. I'll be making a list (and checking it twice*) and holding myself to a time limit on these projects.

But this upcoming week? It's all about catching up. Anyone want to join me? Comment me and let's get going!

You don't have what?!

Yes, yes, I know. It's crazy. Practically blasphemous, when you think about it. I mean, really, how could I possibly do this to myself?! And if I didn't really care about myself, how could I do this to my children?! Of all the things in all the world, why, oh why, would I take this one blessed thing away from my little girls.

What is that one blessed thing?

Television. Cable. Television.

Granted, we have something like 11 channels. One of which is PBS, four of which are QVC or QVC-wannabe channels. The rest are news and occasionally on the weekend, this one channel plays this show that I really, really love and never thought I would because it's a kid's show. (The Sushi Pack - seriously, if sushi could get any cuter, I would love to know. Someone get me a Wasabi plushie, stat!)

But the thing is... we haven't really been missing it. I mean, for the past year or so, we'd totally forgotten that we even had the basic cable package to begin with! The girls watch movies, and I can't blame them. No annoying commercial interruptions. Unless they're in the middle of a movie and I just so happen to walk by their room and notice it's a mess. Then it's a MOMmercial interruption. But that's different. Now that we have PBS and that one channel that plays The Sushi Pack, they're really rather indifferent to it. The only time A-Girl gets upset is if I turn off a movie in the middle of it. (I hate that, too, kid, but you gotta clean your room.)

I definitely miss The Food Network, Animal Planet, and the Discovery Channel, but at this point? Upgrading our cable would be pointless. So many channels we don't watch but we're still paying for.

Talk to me in a few years if I decide to send the girls to public school and need something to fill the afternoon void.

Wordy Photo Wednesday

Childhood lost...


These photos are from one of my birthday parties when I was younger (obviously). I'm the one on the right.





In the second photo - Tommy (L) and Bobby (center - getting choked out, lol). Also, on the right, that's my little sister sitting on Kelly's lap. I haven't seen most of these people (except my sister) in years. We went to elementary school together, and then I moved. But I remember most all of them clear as day. Bobby found me on MySpace and we've been catching up on old times recently.




The boy in the red sweater in the photos (on the right in the last photo) was 25 when he passed on August 25th. Rest in peace, Tommy.

I despise scissors

It's been one of those days, so I'm capping off the evening - after bum rushing through last minute school work - with some photos. Particularly of what happens when small children get into the scissors and proceed to have their own salon day. And Mommy has to fix it.



















Sigh. She looks so much more grown up. More photos to come, I'm sure.










Tuesday, Tuesday, please be a better day.

Shiny new toy and an experiment.

So yesterday was a pretty darn exciting day in our household. We'd gotten sick of Alltel and their heinous ways - who wants to pay $130 a month for a basic plan with internet on only one phone of the two on the plan and you still get charged extra for even using the internet? After having gone in to the store out in town and being told the same thing, "No, you cannot upgrade your plan, and no, we will not replace the crappy phone we gave you that we know is crappy with an updated model." We got sick of being mistreated and decided to go with another company all together.

Read: I nagged MarvMan shamelessly til he caved.

We decided to go with Verizon and - joy, of all joys - MarvMan agreed to smartphones! But not just any smartphones folks. BlackBerries. BlackBerry Storms.*

*Yes, I'm a member of the Almighty Cult of Apple. But I haven't heard good things about AT&T, and much as I might want an iPhone, I can't be trapped with a crappy company just for the sake of Apple. I'm still a loyal customer for everything else, though. Promise. (secret Apple sign of peace here)





I have been so insanely happy with this phone so far. I think I'm in love. And, of course, I got the pink silicone case for it. And while I can't get a decent photo of the screen itself, I can tell you that I got my theme from Themes4BB.com, which has proven to be an awesome site so far!










Really, there should perhaps be a law against being in love with your phone. But until then, I'm going to pose a couple questions for everyone:








What are your favorite mobile apps?
Best app for Twitter?
Games I will probably not want to stop playing?

I mean, if I can't stop playing on it in the first place, I might as well find some games to occupy my time as well!

(Mostly) Wordless Wednesday

My apologies for the sparsity of posts lately. I've been swamped with work and attempts at redesigning this place. :)



My desk. Covered in a multitude of projects, most of which are usually in work simultaneously. We've got my Ethics and Social Responsibility textbook, a magazine of recipes to spice up our menu plans, a crochet project, various other sundries. And, of course, coffee.

EEGad!

Yes, I know - you love my lame puns. And I love them, too. Today was the second drive to Carson City for the EEG. Oh, huzzah. Last night I had to stay up until 11 pm, then wake up at 3 am, and stay up until the test. I could have no caffeine/nicotine, and I had to limit my sugar intake until after the test.

You have no idea how much that sucked. Or maybe you do. Regardless, let's get right into it.

The ride to Carson? The same boring stretch of Hwy 50 it always is. I'll have to take photos when I go for the next consult with the neurologist so you all can really get a feel for what we drive through. Until then, I have other images I'll share.

This is approximately what was strapped on my noggin. Except this looks all nice and futuristic-y. I also had gel all over wherever there was a sensor - to include my chest (to monitor my heart), my neck, forehead, either side of my nose, around my hairline, and then in every one of those nodule dealies (yep, that's the technical term) that's in the cap. And don't let the sleek swim-cap look fool you.

There were needles in that sucker. That had to be scraped against my scalp until a connection was made. I was terrified that there would be nothing there for them to connect to or that she would try to actually shove the needle through my skull and into my brain. Sort of like this:


I had to. Because quite honestly? The rest of the testing felt much like someone was attempting to reprogram my brainpan. And Firefly / Serenity is my favorite tv show that was never given a chance / movie.

Anyway, back on to the EEG.

There were a few exercises that I was asked to do. Open your eyes, close your eyes. Open your eyes, close your eyes. Now breathe deeply and slowly for three minutes. And then...

OMG RAVE!!

Sort of like that. A strobe had been positioned not too far from my face and at one point during the testing, It began flashing. Slow speeds, then fast speeds. Then random flashes followed by intense spurts of flashing. All throughout, I had to open my eyes, close my eyes. And look into the light. EEGad indeed. (See? My puns are helpful in the future.)

And then came a twenty minute nap. I was told to lay as still as possible, and after all the insanity of the mini rave in the testing room, I passed out. The woman doing the test said that my falling asleep would produce the best results, so I suppose it was for the best that I fell asleep.

Now, mind you, I didn't feel all that bad until she took the cap off. Then the needles broke contact with my skin and it felt like the world's worst sunburn ever. Or like this.


Admit it, you're loving the visual aids. When I went outside into the hot Nevada sun, it felt even more like that, though, as my thick hair trapped the heat right next to my scalp, irritating the points of contact.

At least I didn't bleed. Well, I don't think I did.

Regardless, this was yet another trip that was only semi-productive. We have no results yet. Not even a preliminary guesstimation from the woman who administered the test. Up next is the MRI of my head and then finally, maybe, we'll have answers.

In September when I go back to the neurologist.

I'm trying to keep my hopes up and my faith strong, but struggling daily to do so whenever I'm hit with a dizzy spell. It's a constant fear of, "Am I going to seizure again? Is it going to be a big one? Little? Am I going to have to have Anaya call Marv to come home just to help me off the floor?"

But I am grateful still. I am grateful that the initial diagnosis of BPPV lead to this, that the nerve damage was found in my ear and we are working to correct that. And, though it's difficult - I am grateful that we are moving forward toward answers. It's baby steps, but they're forward steps.

(Image creds: EEG, River Tam, Hellraiser)

The Neurologist in Carson City

The smell of the rain circulating through the truck and the sound of it as it rhythmically splattered on the windshield sent me right to sleep on our way home from Carson City today. I dreamed that I was on a beach, comfortably sprawled in a hammock strung up beneath a tiki hut. The rhythm of the waves rolling in on the beach, and the fact that I was warm despite the rain, kept me asleep for quite some time.

I clung to the memory of the dream, especially when I woke up as Marv pulled into our driveway to the usual Fallon heat with my entire right leg asleep and my neck crooked at an awkward angle.

The drive to Carson City is about the same distance - or at least length of time - that it takes for one to drive to Reno. It just so happens that the neurologist my primary care doctor decided to send me to practices in Carson City. Initially, I was under the impression that Carson City may have been just a tiny bit closer. Not so much.

So I am now convinced that not only on this quest for answers in regards to my health will I eventually find these answers, I'm also convinced I will have traveled most of Northern Nevada on this quest. Bear with me, I'm trying to keep on the bright side of things.

My neurologist was very thorough, if a little short at first. But then, who wouldn't be short when your patient arrives ten minutes late because they got lost just up the street from your office? I was a little irritated, myself, because it wasn't until yesterday that I'd been informed that this appointment was merely a consult and not the EEG itself. I was hoping that we could get some of this done somewhere in a timely manner.

Regardless, the appointment went fairly well. We discussed what had happened, we discussed my family history. (Which reminds me, I need to send e-mails to my family in order to get a more detailed history of disorders in this regard. Previously, I'd only needed the big ones - diabetes, cancer, and mental disorders.) We also discussed my previous medical history and touched frequently on my past with migraines.

What the neurologist basically narrowed it down to was that it could have been a seizure, or it could have been a severe migraine. I bit my tongue a lot and need to do more research. After twelve years of dealing with migraines, there has always been a warning: auras, seeing spots, what have you. My warning signs have never changed, and this came and passed within a matter of five minutes (not counting the ten afterward until my mental faculties were completely under control again) with no warning whatsoever. So if it was a migraine, I'm concerned as to what has changed in my body that it came on so suddenly, severely, and without warning.

At the end of it all, I have been sent home - still without diagnosis - and am awaiting two tests. One is the EEG - they're going to call me to schedule. The other is an MRI of my head - I get to call Banner Churchill for that. The EEG will require yet another trip to Carson City. Which I don't think I'd mind now that I know - mostly - where I'm going.

Oh, and my driving privileges? Per Nevada state law, because my mental faculties were diminished for 15 minutes after the episode, I am not allowed to drive for three months. If I have made it through three months without an episode that causes me to lose consciousness or impairs my mental faculties for an extended period of time, I can drive again.

So I suppose my life over the next few months will be revolving around being dependent on others for help and only going as far as I can walk. It'll be good exercise, I'm sure.

Thankful Tuesdays

After yesterday's ordeals (and still dealing with the repercussions thereof) I thought it would be a good time to sit down and recount all my blessings. Because I am so very blessed, in spite of all the stress and in spite of all the bad news that seems to be rolling in, there are many things that I should be thankful for.

So today, I'll show you five things I'm grateful for. In words and photos.


I am so grateful for A-Girl. She is the first child. The experimental one, the one we've made errors with, the one we will continue to make errors with. The one who brought MarvMan and I back together, who taught me that late nights aren't always a bad thing and who continually teaches me about the true depths of unconditional love. She had her first gymnastics class last night, and I was reminded that time with my oldest truly is precious and slipping away faster than I would like. Even after all our worries about her social development, Anaya did wonderfully last night and is so excited to go again.


Sometimes it's hard to remember to be grateful for the youngest. I don't mean it as badly as it sounds - hear me out. BreMonster is nearing her second birthday, and with it has been the rumblings of the Terrible Twos. But the more I think about it, the more I can't look at it as "Terrible." It is a phase of development and it's occasionally heartbreaking to watch my baby girl grow into her own unique person, even when she's testing boundaries and thinking she's the queen of the house. (She's not, I am. I have the cape. I make the whoosh noises.) But her laughter and love and personality full of spark and life remind me that even as I'm ushering Anaya off into a more independent childhood, Breanne is still tiny enough to appreciate long stretches of snuggling on the couch with her tiny warm body as she makes commentary on the latest Sesame Street episode.


I'm always grateful for the dogs, but Washburn's been my favorite as of late. He can tell when I'm stressed out and upset, and the cold, wet nose on my arm isn't so much of a bother anymore as it is a comfort. I prefer the massive fur throw he becomes when he wraps around my feet at my desk, but I'll take what I can get. He's the first dog we've found that worked out for us and has quickly earned his place in the family numerous times since. He's my biggest furbaby and I'm so glad we have him.

What? Myself? I can't be grateful for myself? Well, this is a photo of me on the computer, listening to music. Ignore the massively oldschool headphones. But it was the best personal picture I could find to illustrate how grateful I am for music. It's had the power over the last day or so to bring me from a place of rage to a place of calm. I've cried and I've fallen asleep at my desk to music. It has been an ever-present force in my life since I was born, and I'm so grateful to have that appreciation to this day. (In heavy rotation lately: Regina Spektor's album "Far," Kiernan McMullan's "Perfect People are Boring," and Brandi Carlile's "The Story")


And last, but certainly not least, I am grateful for MarvMan. Any man who can weather through all these stresses and put up with my tendency toward distraction and all the health issues that have cropped up with as level a head as MarvMan has faced all of this deserves so major credit. Despite my tendency to fly off the handle, MarvMan has been there for me and has been a force of calm and rational thinking in my life when my whimsical self is occasionally prone to worst case scenario thinking. And I love him dearly for that.

What are you thankful for?

Hay-Time Switchel

Now, if I haven't made mention of it often enough, you all know I went to Pennsylvania from July 19th to July 24th. Of course I went to see some of my favorite bands of all time perform. To see family, and to spend time with Stacey. But I also made sure to pick up a cookbook. What sort of cookbook? An Amish recipe cookbook, actually.

And you thought I didn't bring anything back for you.

How is this for you? Because I'm going to share my journey through the cookbook with you. Photos, recipes, stories and all.

I was paging through the other day for a quick one to make. Some people go in order, I go by what draws me in. This recipe drew me in not only for the very quirky, cool name, but also because at that time, it was the first one I had all the ingredients for. That, and it's a drink that isn't soda, which earns bonus points in my book.

So I present to you...

Hay-Time Switchel

2 cups sugar
1 cup molasses*
1/4 cup cider vinegar*
1 tsp ginger
1 gallon water, divided

Now, if you're anything like me, you're looking at that ingredient list going, "Is she serious?" Buckle up and bear with me, because this is worth it. Beyond worth it. Also, the * is to indicate that I used blackstrap unsulphured molasses, and that the original recipe doesn't call for cider vinegar specifically, however when compared with other recipes, it's the better option of the two. So use cider if you've got it. If not, no sweat, use white.

To start, take your sugar, molasses, vinegar, ginger, and 1 quart of the water. (That's 4 cups, just so no one else is rushing Google for conversion measurements like I was.) Dump them all into a pan on the stove and heat until dissolved. (Note: don't boil! Low/Medium heat works well.)

Here's what it will look like on the stove. Very easy to tell when everything's dissolved, too. I know, I know. You're looking at it and going, "Really? Brown... stuff?" Hang with me. This is the ugliest - and most difficult - this recipe gets.

Unless, of course, you have troubles getting that all into your gallon container. I used a wide funnel and managed to pour most of the molasses mix back into the measuring cup before pouring it into the funnel.

Fill the rest of the jug back up with water and pop it in the fridge until it's thoroughly chilled.

Serve in a tall glass with plenty of ice.

According to various websites I visited regarding the history of switchel, it was drank by the Amish farmers during hay time (hence the name of this one) and was a great energy booster and aided in replenishing electrolytes.

MarvMan isn't a fan, but he's not a fan of molasses, though, so that could have a major part in his dislike. I don't bale hay or anything, but after taste testing, I'm hooked. This one is going to become a staple in the fridge and may, in fact, get me off soda.